Are You Ready to Re-Join
the Living ?
How does one start over after the loss of a loved one? It is a monumental task that just feels overwhelming at times. Similar rebuilding occurs after the death, divorce or separation of a loved one.
First comes the shock of the loss and an almost denial that is has happened, particularly if there was no warning. You had hopes and dreams of the future that included your loved one and suddenly he or she is not there. How will you cope? How can you go on?
But go on you will. Oftentimes, your first step is to attempt to regain what you have lost. This is impossible if your loved one has died but that won’t stop us from trying. A lot of what you go through in your grieving process is your best attempt to keep that person alive and well in your perception. So, you do things such as relive the memories, look through picture albums, talk about your loved one to everyone who will listen, think about him or her every minute and even speak to him or her out loud.
If your loved one has not died, but has chosen to walk out of your life, it can be even more challenging. In this case, you not only have to get over the shock of the loss but also cope with the feelings of rejection.
In your best attempt to get your loved one back, you may engage in all the behaviors someone who has lost their partner to death would. But in addition, you may beg him or her to take you back, follow your loved one around, try to get his or her friends to intervene on your behalf, and a host of other less than effective behaviors.
Everyone grieves at his or her own pace. I am in no way suggesting that this process can or should be rushed. What I am saying is that when a you are ready, you can turn your grief into a new hope for the future.
There is nothing magic about the passage of time. Healing is dependent on what you DO with your time.
There’s a quote by Dr. Seuss that is very helpful during this phase. “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.” You may not quite be ready to embrace that thought now, but our Prepare to Love Again eBook will help you get there.
When you find yourself in the process of starting over, adapting this particular attitude is incredibly helpful. This may seem uncomfortable at first, almost a betrayal of the love you shared, but it is the most healing thing you can do at this point.