Q: What are the pros and cons of hiring a private detective when you suspect your husband of being unfaithful?

A:
I would say that my answer to this question would depend on what you
hope to accomplish by hiring the detective. What will you do with the
information? Of course the answer will be different for everyone but I
would advise against hiring a private detective. What is it
specifically in your relationship right now that leads you to believe
your husband may be having an affair? Does he come home late from work?
Is he suddenly taking business trips out of town? Have you found
receipts for things that you know nothing about? Does he receive calls
on his cell phone that he won’t take in front of you? There are all
kinds of possible clues that someone may be cheating but none of these
situations is proof.

I say deal with the
information you do have. Confront the situations that are bothering
you. Don’t accuse your man of having an affair without proof. Ask him
to come home earlier. Ask if you can go on his next business trip with
him. Ask him straightforwardly about any receipts you’ve found. Tell
him when he doesn’t take calls, you get concerned that he is hiding
something from you. You need to ask for what you want. If your husband
won’t discuss the issue or refuses to negotiate a compromise, then you
have to ask yourself if this is a relationship that you want to stay
in, regardless or whether or not he is having an affair. A relationship
is about give and take.

Now,
let’s say that you do hire the detective and learn unequivocally that
your husband is seeing another woman. What will you do? How will that
information help you? Or, let’s say that the detective finds no proof
of an illicit affair. Now how do you feel? Maybe you are relieved. What
will you tell your husband when he learns that you have violated his
privacy, had him followed and used family money to do it? Will you ever
really trust your man? What kind of relationship do you really have if
you have to spy on him?

I
believe that in relationships, you need to evaluate the quality of the
relationship you are in. Does it meet your needs? Is it what you want?
Do you get as much as you give? There are ways to improve one’s
relationship and if that is what you are interested in, coaching can
help. Do something to
improve things. Or make the decision to end the relationship. Once you
violate the trust of your relationship by having your man followed, it
is very difficult to get it back.

What do you, my readers, think?

If you are interested in coaching to figure out what to do with your relationship, go to the Relationship Center and check out our personalized coaching packages. It costs nothing to look.