I love that there is a holiday in July dedicated to letting go of regrets. The third Saturday in July is designated, Toss Away Your “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day. Regretting changes nothing and perpetuates painful emotions like guilt, sadness, anxiety, and anger. Holding onto regrets about the past makes it difficult to enjoy the present, and the present moment is all we truly have.

In the Mental Freedom Experience, we talk about Unconditional Trust. The Unconditional Trust Challenge involves trusting everyone for one thing that will prevent you from ever being disappointed again. However, the best aspect of the Unconditional Trust Challenge is recognizing that it also applies to yourself.

Think of your biggest regret. Imagine the moment you did or failed to do the thing you most regret. Bring to mind a vivid memory of that moment. Now, transport yourself back in time. Would you act differently? Of course, you would—that’s why you regret it. However, when you go back, you must return as the person you were then, with the same age and thinking you had at that time.

Here’s a question I already know the answer to because it’s a universal truth: In that moment of regret, did you choose your best behavior to get what you wanted? If you answer “yes,” then you understand the exercise. If your answer is “no,” you’re answering from your current perspective. Today, you probably don’t want the same things you did back then. Maybe you wanted more time with friends instead of following your parents’ rules. Perhaps you sought love and respect from someone other than your committed partner. Maybe you wanted to pass a test and cheated instead of admitting you didn’t know the answers. Whatever the regret, remember what you wanted at that moment.

Next, consider whether you used the best behavior you knew to achieve it. Today’s version of you knows better ways to get what you wanted. You could have called your parents to let them know you were running late, spoken to your partner about your discontent, or studied more for the test. But the younger version of you didn’t think of those things. You chose the best behavior you had to get what you wanted.

Once you understand this universal truth, you might stop judging yourself and your behavior. You aren’t a bad person; you were simply a younger version of yourself trying your best to get what you wanted. This is not something to judge yourself over.

When you stop judging, you might find compassion for that younger version of yourself who made a regrettable choice. You did the best you could. If you could have done better, you would have. Humans are programmed to pursue what they want. You can’t wind back the clock to change your desires. All you can do is accept the person you were in that moment and have compassion for that version of you.

With compassion, perhaps you can extend forgiveness to your younger self. Why continue to punish yourself for doing your best? Let go of those “could haves.” If you could have made a better choice, you would have. You simply didn’t have the knowledge, maturity, or experience to choose differently.

While you’re at it, let go of the “should haves,” too. Telling yourself you “should have” done something different doesn’t help. In that regret-filled moment, there was something you wanted more than the “should have.” That is not a weakness in your character; it’s simply the way the moment presented itself.

In Daniel Pink’s book, The Power of Regret, he writes about how looking back to plan how to do things differently in the future is the benefit of regret. Once you have that plan to do better next time, you’ve gained all you can from “could haves” and “should haves.” So, in the words of the immortal Elsa, “Let it go.”