Did you know October 19 was “Evaluate Your Life Day”? It’s a time for self-reflection on your past experiences, achievements, and challenges, and to assess where you stand. But how exactly do you evaluate your life? Which experiences should you reflect on? Which achievements should matter? What challenges should you focus on?
Self-evaluation is a core element of William Glasser’s Choice Theory. Since we cannot control others, evaluating them serves no purpose. The one person we can control is ourselves, so regularly assessing where we stand can lead to greater mental freedom. By doing this, we can get more of what we want, do more of what we love, learn more of what matters, and become more of who we aim to be.
Dr. William Glasser taught that happy people evaluate themselves, while unhappy people tend to evaluate others. You might think that this reflects personality, but it’s really about the focus. When you evaluate yourself, you’re working in an area where you have the greatest impact, leading to success and happiness. When you evaluate others, you’re stuck in a place of helplessness and victimhood, which leads to frustration and unhappiness.
Many people only evaluate their successes, failures, possessions, or things they haven’t yet achieved. But few take the time to evaluate their knowledge and personality traits—arguably the most important aspects to assess.
We often set goals related to physical or external achievements—the weight we want to reach, the promotion we want, the relationships we desire, or the money we wish to accumulate. These are the kinds of goals we often set for New Year’s Resolutions, only to forget about them by the Super Bowl. But how often do we evaluate our roles in our relationships, the goals we have for learning, or the kind of person we want to be and how we show up in the world?
It doesn’t have to be October 19 for you to ask these questions. However, it’s important to carve out time regularly to evaluate your life.
For me, I evaluate my conversations, the courses I teach, my friendships, and my expectations—of myself and others. Lately, one of the topics that has required deep self-evaluation is the upcoming U.S. presidential election between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris. This election feels unlike any other I’ve seen. It’s polarizing, with two candidates whose agendas and policies are vastly different, and the nation seems more divided than ever. Some see it as a battle of good versus evil, but who you label as “good” or “evil” depends on your perspective. Others frame it as right versus wrong, or even communism versus nationalism, or fascism versus democracy. Where do you stand?
I’ve already voted, but the election isn’t just about casting a ballot. It’s about how we treat those who vote differently than us. What do we think about them? What do we say? How will we respond if the election doesn’t go our way?
Personally, I believe the real battle is within each of us. I often recall Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ quote: “There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety, and guilt.” As I evaluate my life, I ask myself, “What do I want to contribute to the world? What will my legacy be? Will I spread love or fear?” For me, the answer is always love.
This means that, while I have done my civic duty by voting, I also recognize that others are doing theirs by voting based on their values and beliefs. After the election, we may not know exactly what will happen, but the important question remains: Who do I want to be in whatever comes next—love or fear? I choose love.
I’ll use the Unconditional Trust Challenge from Mental Freedom® to remind myself that everyone is voting for what they believe is best based on their values and the information they’ve gathered. No one is voting simply to upset me or anyone else. Like me, they believe their choice is the right one for the country. I won’t cut people out of my life, resort to name-calling, or harbor hate. What about you? How will you respond?