I don’t know about you, but I’m dissatisfied with the lack of civility these days. Civility is not about being “woke;” it’s about recognizing that people can be civil with one another despite holding different viewpoints. I don’t have to force you to think like me to make my views legitimate, and we don’t have to hate each other for holding different beliefs. Many people in the U.S. have either decided never to speak of politics in public or to talk about it with vehement conviction with disdain for those who think differently. Neither of these approaches will help us mend the divisiveness that seems to rule the day.

Life is short. People behave like there will always be time, but that isn’t true. Time is not promised. One thing I know for sure is that no one gets out of life alive; we all have expiration dates. I have a friend who often says, “We will all encounter a ‘suddenly’ or an ‘eventually’ when it comes to our death.” This is a fact. How do you want to spend the years, months, weeks, or moments you have left? I know I don’t want to spend mine arguing with the people I care about.

I know people with relationships that have been destroyed over opinions, beliefs, and values, especially surrounding politics. This is something I’m determined won’t happen to me. I have many people I care about—family, friends, and work colleagues—who think differently than I do. While it’s true people tend to surround themselves with people who share their opinions, beliefs, and values, it is possible and even preferable to maintain important relationships even when you may not agree on everything. I don’t want to find myself on my deathbed regretting an argument over something that on that occasion won’t matter to me.

Just this week, someone said to me, “When I find myself getting upset over something, I ask myself if it’s something I’ll care about 10 years from now. If the answer is no, then I let it go.” Using that measure, there isn’t much I care enough about that would be worth losing someone important to me.

I’m not saying politics aren’t important, particularly when you live in a democracy. People died to provide us the right to vote our conscience, informed by our opinions, beliefs, and values. It is important to stay informed to place an educated vote and allow the political infrastructure to determine the winner. However, when the political dust settles, will you be happy you were right or you won, if it means there is no one you care about there to share the victory with?

People vote for different reasons—sometimes it’s a single issue, sometimes it’s an entire platform. We vote our conscience, which is informed by our opinions, beliefs, and values, and those things are informed by our perceptions, and our perceptions are informed by the information we are exposed to.

This is where things become tricky for those of us living in the U.S. right now. It is almost impossible to determine the absolute truth. With the 24-hour news cycle, we don’t simply get the news; we get commentary. Every news show has opinions, beliefs, and values that determine what gets reported and how it is covered. Add to that corporate advertising and bribes and the media will report what it must to survive, which often results in disinformation. We have a First Amendment right to free speech, so even lies are protected. We have artificial intelligence, which can create false pictures to show whatever is desired. We can fact-check, but how do we know we can trust the fact-checkers? They too, have opinions, beliefs, and values that lead them to predictable conclusions. It’s harder than ever to know, without a doubt, what the truth is except that information is constantly being manipulated.

I don’t know anyone who would argue with that last statement. If you share my belief about information being manipulated, then why would we turn on people important to us if they are exposed to different information or choose to trust different information than we do? Is that something to be faulted or something to be better understood?

Get curious. Ask questions, about the other person’s information and your own. Be critical. Ask yourself what would change if you shared the opinions, beliefs, and values of the other person. Can you agree to disagree without malice?

Will it matter in 10 years? Are you likely to change this person’s opinions, beliefs, and values? Are they likely to change yours? Can you search for the things you have in common instead of focusing on the things that separate you? Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be in this situation. Ask yourself what you would do if you knew this day was your expiration date or the other person’s.

Put in perspective, I will always choose love, friendship, and harmony over being right. But that’s just my opinion based on my beliefs and values, which come from my perception based on the information I’ve absorbed. Do you agree with me? If you do, great! If you don’t, great! Can we be civil? Life is short and relationships are essential.