May is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Awareness Month, a time to bring greater understanding to a diagnosis that’s often misunderstood and stigmatized. As a practitioner of Choice Theory psychology, developed by world-renowned psychiatrist Dr. William Glasser, I want to offer an alternative lens—one that emphasizes compassion, resilience, and empowerment over pathology.

Is BPD a Disorder—or a Survival Strategy?

Let’s start with language. Labeling a person’s response to trauma as a disorder implies that something is wrong with them—rather than recognizing the brilliance of their adaptation. In my view, BPD is not a disorder. It’s a compensatory response to deeply painful, often unpredictable childhood environments.borderline

In fact, for many individuals, developing what is now labeled as “borderline” traits may have been the only way they could psychologically survive their early life experiences. That doesn’t sound like a disorder to me. It sounds like a superpower.

The Link Between BPD and Childhood Trauma

According to Psychology Today, child abuse and/or neglect is the single most common biological, psychological, or social risk factor in those who go on to develop BPD. Psychiatrist David Allen points out that many parents of individuals with BPD oscillate between overinvolvement and neglect, creating an unpredictable environment where the child learns to both cling and push away.

This dynamic often causes long-term confusion in relationships, as the child becomes emotionally dependent while simultaneously testing or rejecting the very people they need most.

A Choice Theory Perspective on BPD

In Dr. Glasser’s Choice Theory, all human behavior is an attempt to meet five basic needs:

1. Survival
2. Love & Belonging
3. Power
4. Freedom
5. Fun

Individuals with BPD often struggle with conflicting needs, especially Survival and Love & Belonging. In chaotic or abusive households, survival is often threatened—not just physically, but emotionally. At the same time, the child craves love and connection, but it is inconsistent, conditional, or damaging.

This creates a painful internal tug-of-war:

“I desperately want to connect with you… but I don’t trust you won’t hurt me.”

As a result, people with BPD may appear “needy,” forming intense attachments quickly—whether to a counselor, friend, or romantic partner. But when the fear of abandonment kicks in, they may react as if it’s already happened, pushing that person away before they can be left.

This can confuse and exhaust even the most well-meaning support system. And sadly, it reinforces the person’s internal belief:

“Everyone leaves me eventually.”

Working with BPD: A Therapist’s Challenge—and Opportunity

When I was a young counselor in community mental health, few therapists wanted a client with BPD on their caseload. It often meant walking on eggshells, navigating intense emotions and rapidly shifting dynamics.

But when you understand what’s going on from a Choice Theory perspective, everything changes. You stop reacting to the behavior and begin to see the unmet needs beneath it. You learn to:

• Connect without engulfing
• Care without enabling
• Respect boundaries while staying consistent

This reframing makes the work more grounded and more hopeful—for the client and the clinician.

A Path Forward: Mental Freedom® + Choice Theory

For those living with BPD—and those supporting them—there is a way forward. A Mental Freedom® Experience, combined with a Choice Theory understanding of behavior and needs, offers a framework that is compassionate, trauma-informed, and deeply empowering.

If you’re a therapist interested in supporting clients with BPD more effectively, or you’d like to add Mental Freedom® certification to your professional toolbox, click here to learn more.