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Change Either/Or Thinking to Both/And Please
InsideOut Empowerment Principle #7: People often see their choices as either/or choices, creating imagined dilemmas and forced choices. For as long as I can remember, my family serves both pumpkin and apple pie for dessert on Thanksgiving. The question is always, “Do you want pumpkin or apple pie?” I want to know why I can’t have both? Now that’s a simple example with a simple solution. Think of some things you force yourself into a choice over when it would be possible for you to have both. For example, I want to eat chocolate/I want to lose weight; I want to buy the things I want/I want to eliminate my credit card debt; I want people to like me/I want to be myself.
How to Improve Your Physical and Emotional Health
InsideOut Empowerment Principle #6: Much of our health, both physical and emotional, is strongly affected by our actions and our thoughts, both of which we have the power to change. If you don’t like the emotions you are experiencing or your current state of health, you can indirectly affect change by changing your actions and/or your thinking.
What Do You Really Want?
InsideOut Empowerment Principle #5: When you find yourself unhappy about the conditions of your life, you should first clarify specifically what you want rather than focusing on what you want to avoid. So often, we can articulate what we don’t want but when asked to specify what we do want, we don’t know how. This is a little like making a list for the store of what you don’t need, going shopping, and expecting to come home with everything you want. It will never work.
We Want What Feels Good To Us
InsideOut Empowerment Tenant #4: What you want is based on what feels good to you (increasing pleasure or avoiding pain). Remember, what you want feels good to you. It may not feel good to everyone, especially those close to you. If people know what you want, they may judge you if they don’t think it’s a “good” thing to want. For example, my son quit college 18 credits shy of graduating. I certainly didn’t think that was a good thing. He didn’t want to go further in debt by going another semester. This was his choice, his decision, his life. There were many people in his life, who claim to love him, that told him what a mistake he made. It’s seven years later and he earns a six-figure income in a sales position in a rural area where the cost of living is less than most places in the US. Should he have graduated? Who can say conclusively? Perhaps the stress of owing more money for student loans would have caused him to do something desperate. We’ll never know. All I know is that it was his decision to make and my job was to support him in his right to make it.
Behavior is Always Proactive
InsideOut Empowerment Principle #3: Every behavior you choose, including your feelings, is designed to get you something you want. It is always proactive; never reactive, except for instinctual responses, for example sneezing, the startle response, or crying in response to pain. As long as we believe our behavior is reactive, then we are giving power and control to circumstances beyond our control and other people. For example, do you often say in the course of the day, “He makes me so mad”! Or can you hear yourself saying, “This situation is just so frustrating”? Those statements are simply not true. Nothing outside of you can create your emotions or generate a particular behavior in you. Your behavior is always created internally, motivated by and designed to get you something you want.
Your Perception is Your Reality and You Can Change It
Whatever happens in the outside world has no meaning other than the meaning you give it. Again, this is not a new concept but it is one that’s a little difficult to put into practice unless you’ve had some guidance and experience under your belt. When things happen we tend to place a value on them by labeling them as “good,” “bad,” “right” or “wrong.” This is not a terrible practice as long as you are only labeling things within your own life and not trying to push your assigned values onto others.
10 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Mental Health
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. We will go to the doctor for a physical checkup but how many of us engage in a mental health checkup? The goals of my process, InsideOut Empowerment, provides us with ten things we can do to improve our well-being and increase our happiness.
The Only Person’s Behavior You Can Control is Your Own
The only person’s behavior you can control is your own. Pretty much everyone knows this. It’s not a new concept. However, what do you spend the majority of your time and energy doing every day? That’s right! Trying to change everyone else! Why do we do that? Because if other people change and do the work, then we don’t have to.
InsideOut Empowerment
InsideOut Empowerment is a revolutionary process designed to free your mind, open your heart and transform your life. It takes you on a journey from where you are now to emotional freedom, inner peace, strength and happiness. Do you have hopes, goals and dreams you keep striving for but never reach? Freeing your mind of self-sabotage is the answer. Do you have relationships with others that aren’t going the way you want, whether it’s at home, at work or in your community? Opening your heart is the answer. Do you feel like you are at the mercy of circumstances beyond your control, other people, your character, or your emotions. It’s time to transform your life.