This post is a continuation of the one posted on March 10, 2009. In that one, I spoke about learning life’s lesson from every relationship you have. That was one half of the equation to creating the relationship you deserve.
The other half is about preparing yourself to be the kind of person who
will attract the relationship of your dreams. If you are seeking a
person to be loyal and to stand by you no matter what, then ask
yourself the difficult question of whether or not you have those same
traits and characteristics you seek. If there is something in your
character that has caused you to be disloyal, then do some
introspection to learn what you need to heal in order to become the
person you truly want to be.
Relationships only act as a mirror, showing us those things about
ourselves we don’t want to see. When we welcome the information and
seek to learn from it, doing so will move us closer in the direction of
becoming who we want to be.
It also helps during this alone time to take an inventory of the
traits, qualities and characteristics we want in our “perfect mate.” It
is far more likely that we will attract the person we want when we
become crystal clear about exactly what we are looking for. My list
included having someone to love me for who I am, not in spite of who I
am. I wanted a partner with loyalty, integrity, honesty, good looks,
intelligence, a sense of humor, romance and availability (not involved
with someone else). I wanted a man who was strong but gentle, decisive
but sensitive and confident without being conceited. I wanted someone
with whom I shared common interests and someone who didn’t feel the
need to control me or compete with me. Guess what? After I was clear
about what I was looking for, the “perfect” person for me walked into
Another thing I find extremely helpful during the “Along Stage” is to
remember that you are perfect just the way you are. You are totally
complete without a significant person to share your life. So often, in
the Along Stage, we are focusing on our lack, instead of our abundance.
We look at the one thing we don’t have, a romance, and waste the time
we have been given feeling sorry for ourselves instead of putting the
gift of time to use for the betterment of humanity in our own unique
In conclusion I say, first allow yourself alone time. Don’t be in such
a hurry to jump into the next relationship before processing the last
one. Take time to analyze the lesson in your past relationship(s). Use
the alone time to search introspectively to assess whether or not you
are the person you need to be to allow the person you seek to come into
your life. And finally, focus not on your lack of relationship, but
rather on what you can do to help others during this time.
Used wisely, your alone time can truly make an incredible difference in
the way you experience your next relationship. Don’t short change
yourself. Maximize and leverage the time you have been given between
relationships. It is truly a gift.