Recently, I read an article by Richard Sima in The Washington Post (Love language advice for couples isn’t backed by science, new research shows) and I felt inspired to present an alternative view. I have been a licensed counselor since 1996. In 2010, I wrote the award-winning, bestselling book, Secrets of Happy Couples, and I […]
Trust is the behavior you choose when you want a healthy, connected relationship. When you choose trust, you simultaneously let go of the need to punish your partner. You will stop blaming, criticizing, and stalking your partner—you’ll let go of the idea that they’ll cheat again. You extend your trust because you want to be a trusting person in a trusting relationship.
The most common problem couples face are variations of two main topics. 1) Couples are forever attempting to “get” their partners to do, think and be the way they want them to be. 2) Individuals are selfishly thinking about what they want in their relationship without taking the time to understand what the other person […]
One of the things that keeps coming up with the couples I talk to is the natural tendency to want to give what we would most like to get instead of what the other person would want in that situation. I’m not talking about material gifts here; I’m talking about the responses we give to each other. We tend to imagine ourselves in the same situation and provide the solution or response we, ourselves, would want in that situation.
When you understand that everyone is doing the very best they can to get the things you want, then there is no need for a drama-filled break up. Why do people break up? Sometimes it’s because of a revelation and sometimes it’s slow building.
