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True Happiness

When looking for the cause of their unhappiness and frustration, most people look outside of themselves. After all, wouldn’t life be perfect if the significant people in our lives would […]

Change Either/Or Thinking to Both/And Please

InsideOut Empowerment Principle #7: People often see their choices as either/or choices, creating imagined dilemmas and forced choices. For as long as I can remember, my family serves both pumpkin and apple pie for dessert on Thanksgiving. The question is always, “Do you want pumpkin or apple pie?” I want to know why I can’t have both? Now that’s a simple example with a simple solution. Think of some things you force yourself into a choice over when it would be possible for you to have both. For example, I want to eat chocolate/I want to lose weight; I want to buy the things I want/I want to eliminate my credit card debt; I want people to like me/I want to be myself.

What Do You Really Want?

InsideOut Empowerment Principle #5: When you find yourself unhappy about the conditions of your life, you should first clarify specifically what you want rather than focusing on what you want to avoid. So often, we can articulate what we don’t want but when asked to specify what we do want, we don’t know how. This is a little like making a list for the store of what you don’t need, going shopping, and expecting to come home with everything you want. It will never work.