As a couple’s counselor, I have noticed some patterns with my clients that can lead to challenges and they center around misunderstood differences. When two people fall in love, commit to each other and try to build a life together, there are many issues that can arise, especially when they each have differences they don’t […]
Most people define success the way many power people define it because that’s the definition most of society measures by. Your definition of success shouldn’t be determined by what people in power say it should be, but rather it should be defined by the person you are and what you value most. You might just […]
July is Social Wellness Month—a reminder that relationships are key to a healthy lifestyle. Humans have a need for connection; some of us have a stronger need than others. If you are someone with a lower need for connection, you might be satisfied with a beloved pet and few people in your life. Those with […]
When most people speak about professional wellness, they talk about work/life balance. I think this is a superficial distinction. Work is a part of life so it’s all life. It’s about total balance, but not between work and life. In order to have wellness, personal or professional, you need to balance your needs. What are […]
There’s two days until Christmas, so it’s likely you’ve already made your holiday plans. The CDC, Dr. Fauci and many politicians and leaders are advocating staying home for the holidays. This is a challenging situation and one that, at least in the US, has been left to the individual and the honor system. Current statistics […]
When it comes to setting goals, most people tend to focus on the areas society urges and expects us to without regard for what’s truly important to us. I’m proposing that this a flawed path toward goal attainment. People need to consider their five basic needs: which ones are most important and which ones are […]
In my series on basic needs and self-care, I saved the best for last. I think Connection is the best—probably because it’s my highest personal need, but also because, out of the five needs, its fulfillment is the most important to your overall well-being. Everyone needs someone to love and someone to be loved by […]
One of man’s biggest internal struggles is the conflicting needs of independence and connection. They seem to be mutually exclusive. How can you have independence and be connected at the same time? This struggle rages within individuals daily. Multiply that struggle by two and you’ll have the conflict that happens within relationships. It is nearly […]
InsideOut Empowerment Tenant #4: What you want is based on what feels good to you (increasing pleasure or avoiding pain). Remember, what you want feels good to you. It may not feel good to everyone, especially those close to you. If people know what you want, they may judge you if they don’t think it’s a “good” thing to want. For example, my son quit college 18 credits shy of graduating. I certainly didn’t think that was a good thing. He didn’t want to go further in debt by going another semester. This was his choice, his decision, his life. There were many people in his life, who claim to love him, that told him what a mistake he made. It’s seven years later and he earns a six-figure income in a sales position in a rural area where the cost of living is less than most places in the US. Should he have graduated? Who can say conclusively? Perhaps the stress of owing more money for student loans would have caused him to do something desperate. We’ll never know. All I know is that it was his decision to make and my job was to support him in his right to make it.
One of man’s biggest internal struggles involves the need for both independence and connection. They seem to be mutually exclusive. How can you have independence and be connected at the same time? This struggle rages within individuals daily.
