For many of us, at some point in our lives, a failed relationship leaves us wondering why we can’t seem to find a good partner, or why we keep repeating the same mistakes. When a relationship ends, there is much introspective work to do before the next one. Failing to use this time for reflection puts you in a position of repeating the same patterns repeatedly.

If you haven’t already, you must become very clear about who you want for your life partner. Because of the way the Law of Attraction works, it is helpful to write an actual list, recording the traits, qualities, and characteristics of the person you want to attract into your life. Consider everything—physical, intellectual, emotional, financial, romantic, and spiritual characteristics—and be very careful you aren’t recording the things you don’t want. Whenever you focus on things you don’t want, the Universe brings you more of the same, which explains why some of the same patterns are repeated over and over.

After you’re clear on the characteristics you want in your soulmate, divide your list into three categories. There are your positive non-negotiables, which are the traits you’ve decided you absolutely need in a partner. Then there are the negative non-negotiables, those things you refuse to live with. Then list those nice-to-have bonus traits, because even though you can live without them, you can allow the Law of Attraction to do some work for you.

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The next step involves brutally honest self-reflection. Ask yourself, “Am I being the person who would attract my desired soulmate into my life?” Knowing what you want in life is a good start, but, too often, people don’t take the time to evaluate whether they are the kind of person their soulmate would be attracted to. You may seek someone trustworthy while seeing other people behind your partner’s back. You may want someone mature who doesn’t start drama, yet you have drama all around you.

Dig deep into your subconscious awareness. You may appear to be the person who will attract your soulmate, but after looking deeper, you may uncover some subconscious beliefs that prevent you from connecting with the person of your dreams. You may believe that, deep down, there is something wrong with you and you don’t deserve to be happy in a relationship. Perhaps someone you care deeply for doesn’t have a happy relationship in their life and you don’t want them to feel bad if you find one for yourself. You may believe you will lose yourself in a relationship. You may think if you open yourself up to real love, you will do something to ruin it, causing you to suffer the pain of it ending.

These subconscious beliefs may be plentiful yet hard to pinpoint and define. One way to access that information is to ask yourself, “What would I have to give up to have the relationship I want?” Ponder this question and dig deeper and deeper into your subconscious for the answer. As long as the information remains subconscious, you can’t counterbalance it with helpful beliefs. It must be brought into the light.

Check yourself often. With honesty and accuracy, you must evaluate whether your actions, thoughts, and feelings are consistent with attracting the soulmate you want. If not, the next step involves reinventing yourself. Make a plan that details what you need to change—the things you do, as well as, the harmful things you think—in order to become the person your soulmate will choose to share his or her life with.

Finally, finding your soulmates requires your belief that it is going to happen. Once you have done the work of becoming clear about what you want and then transforming yourself into the person who will attract that person, simply rest in the knowledge that it’s just a matter of time. Your soulmate is on his or her way into your life. Know that you are perfectly content and complete while you are patiently waiting.

Remember, while you wait, your soulmate may be doing his or her own assessment and evaluation of whether he or she can attract you.

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