I never saw the movie, but I did read The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood—a hilarious and poignant look at the bonds between Southern women. Near the end, author Rebecca Wells suggests that every woman needs five men in her life: one to talk with, one to dance with, one who will cook for her, one to make love with, and one to fix things. (Don’t quote me—I might have a couple wrong!) I could probably write a version for men needing five women, too.

The point is, it’s wildly unlikely that one person can meet all your relational needs across a lifetime. Yet when it comes to friendship, many of us still go looking for that “one perfect bestie” who can do it all: watch your kids, bring you dinner, hit the gym, grab cocktails, slather sunscreen on your back, keep your secrets, and help you process your deepest feelings.

But what happens if you lose that one person—to conflict, relocation, a new friendship, or even death? That kind of loss can feel just as devastating as the end of a romantic partnership.

Social wellness isn’t about having one person who does everything—it’s about building a support system of different people who meet different needs at different points in your life. And that support system must be mutual. While you’re thinking about who belongs on your team, ask yourself: What role do I play on theirs?

In life, the Law of Reciprocity matters. Relationships thrive on give and take. If you’re someone who always gives, consider the people you’ve unintentionally deprived of the joy that comes from giving back. And if you’re someone who mostly takes, think about how long it will take your friends to notice the imbalance—and drift away.

The same dynamic plays out in romantic relationships, though it’s harder to measure. We often try to tally the percentages: “I give 100%, and they only give 25%.” But effort doesn’t always show up in equal ways.

In my work with couples, I often see opposites attract—introverts paired with extroverts, high-Freedom types with high-Connection types, people with a strong need for Safety & Security partnered with those who take risks. These pairings aren’t wrong, but they do take more conscious effort and understanding.

Let’s zoom in on the Connection–Freedom couple. The Connection partner craves intimacy, time together, and emotional openness. That effort feels natural and energizing to them. The Freedom partner, on the other hand, needs autonomy, space, and privacy—and intimate relationships can feel draining or even suffocating.

When you measure relational effort by emotional cost rather than time or tasks, the Freedom partner may actually be giving just as much or more—because they’re stretching far outside their comfort zone.

That’s not to say you should settle. You absolutely shouldn’t. Mental Freedom encourages you to ask powerful questions when a relationship isn’t working:

• Am I getting what I need in this relationship?
• If nothing ever changes, can I still create contentment here?
• Do I like who I am when I’m with this person?
• Am I being the person I want to be?

If your answer to all three is no—and you truly love yourself more than the relationship—it might be time to lean into your support system while you recalibrate your life on your own terms.

Mental Freedom is built on a three-legged foundation, and the first leg is Open Your Heart. In the early sessions of the Mental Freedom Experience, we explore how you show up in relationships: Are you taking full responsibility for your own well-being? Are you taking too much responsibility for others? We also introduce the Unconditional Trust Challenge, which invites you to trust people for who they consistently are—not for who you wish they’d become.

If this sounds like the kind of growth you’re ready for, our next group Mental Freedom Experience begins on September 3. You can check it out here.