InsideOut Empowerment Principle #5: When you find yourself unhappy about the conditions of your life, you should first clarify specifically what you want rather than focusing on what you want to avoid. So often, we can articulate what we don’t want but when asked to specify what we do want, we don’t know how. This is a little like making a list for the store of what you don’t need, going shopping, and expecting to come home with everything you want. It will never work.
We tend to destroy our relationships with the destructive relationship habits of complaining, blaming, criticizing, nagging, threatening, punishing and bribing, all in an attempt to get our partner to change. But we rarely get the results we seek. So one thing we can do is to stop using the destructive habits and begin using the healthy relationship habits of listening, supporting, encouraging, trusting, respecting, accepting and negotiating differences.
Today I was asked for five tips for improving the love between spouses but I would extend my answer to any loving, committed relationship.
1. Love as if this could be your partner’s last day on earth.