Grieving from a Choice Theory Perspective

When someone we love dies, it triggers a grief process that everyone experiences. It’s best described by Elizabeth Kublar-Ross in her book, On Death and Dying. In it, she discusses the five stages that people go through: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. No one can predict how long a phase will […]

Ten Ways Misery Can Help

As a helping professional, have you ever encountered clients who seem to revel in their misery? It’s not that they are having any fun—misery is miserable, after all. But if you understand Choice Theory, you realize that all behavior is purposeful. Even in the most unfortunate circumstances, people gain some benefit from their misery. Most […]

Choice Theory

As one of my readers, you’ve likely encountered the phrase Choice Theory, but it’s possible you’ve missed out on the details. Choice Theory is an explanation of all human behavior developed by Dr. William Glasser. There are five components of this theory— basic human needs, our quality world, the perceived world, the comparing place, and […]

Choice Theory and Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultures

I am always grateful for meaningful learning opportunities, but I generally prefer them more when I don’t look like an idiot in the process! I have been traveling in Asia and was repeatedly struck by people’s concerns about pleasing their parents, even parents that are quite controlling. I have written a book about diversity, yet […]

Guilting wife into sex is a bad idea

healthy relationship

This article is about how to help women feel sexual minus the guilty control. As a Choice Theory expert, I know that trying to guilt your wife into having sex will be a lose/lose/lose proposition. You will not have the enthusiastic sex partner you really crave; she will not be feeling amorous toward the person who coerced her; and […]

Unconditional Trust Challenge

by Kim Olver My friend recently wrote something on Facebook that, for me, sparked some further thinking: “I used to worry about people I love. Now I just love them.” Later that same day, a client of mine shared a story about her mind wandering while home with her husband on a Saturday night. She […]

Happy Holidays??

The holidays are more about being present rather than giving presents. How to reduce holiday stress so you can give the gift of your presence.

What’s Great about Your Day

This blog has multiple purposes but one of the main ones is to help people take control of their lives by putting their time and energy into the things they have power to control and/or influence instead of trying to control everyone else in their lives. A side benefit of doing this actually helps us move closer to the people we want and need in our lives.

September’s InsideOut Empowerment Challenge

This month’s InsideOut Empowerment Challenge is about looking beyond behavior to its purpose. All behavior is purposeful. Every behavior is a person’s best attempt to get something they want at that particular time to more effectively meet one of their five basic needs.

Courage

I write this post about a good friend of mine. A few years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She fought it aggressively and was given a clean bill of health. She looked great and felt even better. Recently, her cancer returned. She is a single mom with a son.